Statistical Analysis Of Pr0n Viewership During A Nuclear Crisis

rgMekanic

[H]ard|News
Joined
May 13, 2013
Messages
6,455
Four days ago Hawaiians were shaken to their core when a false warning of an inbound ballistic missile was announced. Fortunately the fine people at PornHub were there to console everyone after the announcement came out that it was a false alarm.

PronHub has the best posts when it comes to data. The plumet in traffic upon hearing your impending doom isn't surprising. What is surprising is the massive uptick in traffic after the notification that it was a false alarm. I guess a sigh of relief wasn't adequate.

Based on real-time, per-minute pageviews, and compared to levels on the previous two Saturdays, our statisticians found a precipitous drop in traffic at 8:07am immediately after the warning was sent out. By 8:23am, traffic was a massive -77% below that of a typical Saturday. As residents were notified around 8:45 that the initial warning was sent in error, traffic began to return to normal and Hawaiians collectively breathed a sigh of relief. Those seeking further relief, headed back to Pornhub where pageviews surged +48% above typical levels at 9:01am.
 

BSmith

[H]ard|Gawd
Joined
Nov 9, 2017
Messages
1,323
Well, they had to make up for time lost during the pseudo-crisis,.....yeah,....that's the ticket.
 

xrealm20

[H]ard|Gawd
Joined
Jan 30, 2009
Messages
1,221
lol, too funny... I'm sure there will be a massive uptick in births in Hawaii in 9 months as well.....
 

otherweeb

Gawd
Joined
Jan 8, 2016
Messages
860
I would have guess exactly the opposite. I guess Hawaii finds relief from the fear of being vaporized in self relief.
 

WhoMe

Gawd
Joined
Jan 3, 2018
Messages
827
Well known that disasters cause this kind of behavior--birth rates often go up after a disaster. Survival of the species and all that. Guess imagined disasters work too. Seems like there should be a profitable exploit in this...
 

TheHig

[H]ard|Gawd
Joined
Apr 9, 2016
Messages
1,119
Go for the real thing when that missile is on the way. I mean someone has to say yes right before the end of the world!

YOLO
 

Khahhblaab

Limp Gawd
Joined
Apr 23, 2017
Messages
481
.....so I guess that bomb warnings will now be set up the same way that launching an actual missile is. Two folks on opposite sides of a 'warning room' with codes and keys that must match before keys are turned together before the warning goes out. Means that the governor will call the alarm in. What happens if hes in the john when the warning is needed?

With the amount of time that the warning would give :confused:, its a consideration to not have the warning at all. Well there "is" the consideration of "missile babies for the survivors. Sex will be a minor consideration after the missile hits.:cool:

...OK! I was wrong. Sex will be a 'MAJOR' consideration after the warnings go away...........aaahhhhhh..........stress relief.........

...shaking hands are better (y)
 
Joined
Mar 18, 2013
Messages
3,842
It's good to see people are terrified of the nuclear bogeyman again.

The future was fucking lame, let's all go back to the awesome past.
 

applejacks

Hard DC'er of the Month January 2021 & May 2017
Joined
Jun 17, 2005
Messages
576
Image is hosted here, it just links to the article :)
dammit, lol I clicked on the image to see a bigger version of it like most pics hosted here pull up here but this one sent me right to pornhub on my govt computer..... yay
 

ZodaEX

Supreme [H]ardness
Joined
Sep 17, 2004
Messages
4,556
dammit, lol I clicked on the image to see a bigger version of it like most pics hosted here pull up here but this one sent me right to pornhub on my govt computer..... yay

Yeah that's been a big issue with Hardforum for a long time. I have to disable images in my browser every time I brouse at work. One time I was surfing here at work and someone had posted a picture of a guy wearing a bra in a gaming thread.
 

HoffY

Gawd
Joined
Mar 7, 2005
Messages
940
Go for the real thing when that missile is on the way. I mean someone has to say yes right before the end of the world!
Don't you have that backwards? getting a 'YES' wouldn't matter so much. ;)

oh noes a miss-ogg-a-nist rapper apologist!
 
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